Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Hey, so I have this best friend who lives in California, and I'm having some thoughts. Her name is Hayley. The picture is of us together, I'm the one with the crazy look in my eyes, and she's the one smiling her face off :D. Yeah, best friends since we were 2. Anyways, she lives in Cali and I live in Minnesota, so we're a fair distance away. It's expensive to go out and see each other, but she comes here with her family at least once a year, and I've been trying to get out there for spring breaks and such. The thing is though, and I've struggled with this ever since she moved, is that she has a new life out there that doesn't include me. And I have to come to accept that because if I don't, then I'll just be living in jealousy my entire life. For example, she's in SoCal right now seeing some of her friends there and having a great time. Instead of me being happy for her, my initial feeling was of jealousy that she wasn't visiting me. Now, I think it's okay for me to feel that way a tiny bit, but I'm not the controller of her life! Things change, people change, and though it's not always good right away, so many doors have been opened for her and for me. I've had to learn that when stuff falls apart, you have to get right back up and deal. She's gotten so many good things out of Cali. She goes to an amazing school, she's met amazing people, she lives in a gorgeous lil town near the ocean, and the guys aren't bad! She gets to travel back to MN once a year, maybe twice, and we've kept in touch so well. Last night, I wasn't feeling well (strep, remember?) and so I hatched this idea for next spring break, 2011, for me to go out there like I did last year. As I was chatting with Hayley, a commercial for Carnival Cruise Line came on TV, and instantly I thought of my cruise about a year ago. I thought how awesome it would be to go on one with Hayley and our families! I told her that, and the first thing she said was how fun it would be to invite her friends from California. In a way, when she said that, my heart sank. I realized that I am not the only friend she has. I'm not the one that she thinks of when she's making plans. It's no longer convenient for us to be around eachother. When we are, though, we have the time of our lives. We're young, I know, but time is running out. She's a year older, and one day, she's going to be off at college doing so many awesome things with her life while I'm still stuck here in MN at my senior year of high school. I guess hearing her say that she wanted to spend her spring break with other people made me realize she must love them too. And I feel so stupid for thinking she wouldn't. Later I let her know that I don't want a cruise. I just want to fly out to where she is. Be by the ocean, eat In-N-Out Burger, meet her friends, see her in her home setting, be with her family and her dogs, and let it be for the time that we have. I hope she reads this cause there's no way this could be put on FaceBook and it would never fit on Twitter. I love you, Hal Marie. I wish I could be with you all the time, but then again, that would take the special-ness out of our friendship. We've thrived even while thousands of miles apart. I want to continue that. And hey, next spring break is a year away and we have summer 2010 to look forward to. Thanks for reading, if anyone did. Later, dudes.